objecting to the club vs NSA analogy; using my CISSP knowhow in ape culture

Somebody found a reason to object to the “writing” of my last missive since it portrayed NSA as a stone age clubber defeating the electronic crypto lock on my front door – by battering down the casing. The objection was founded in the analogy’s inappropriateness – since NSA would not want to show itself to have subverted the lock, as would be rather evident should the analogy be valid.

You have to remember that my apes are American apes. And from what I learned at the RSA Conference, last year, as part of my CISSP re-education camp program, was that there are 3 types of monkeys (in Bali, or elsewhere). The first group are cuddly (like the guys who were first sent to work over the OpenID Foundation); working your over with affection so you happily hand over half of your bananas. The second group mug you for the remaining half, leaving you feeling somewhat used (like the “former government contractors” who somehow always turn up in Google /Microsoft standards forums, with a snarl and a growl). The third group are the intelligent apes, working with the human banana salesman (now that you have no bananas left, after the mugging). These guys use intelligence, scouts, environment funneling and have a certain ape psychology base din the “mutual understanding” between master human, ape and us that if they hound you (think Verizon, Google, BT) by perhaps stealing your wife’s scrunchie from her hair, you will buy some more bananas and negotiate for return of the “emotional attachment item” – to use an Americanism.

So where is NSA? in that story?

NSA is the human signaling to the intelligent apes on who to target, how to hound, and when to return the object given the purchase of a suitable number of additional bananas. The monkeys, typically IETF types, have long learned the signal craft, knowing that even if the target walks off with most of the bananas, the salesman will provide the ape’s real cut (later). its not the apes role to negotiate, only hound and be the front man.

So getting back to my front door, how does the missive end, properly? assuming it’s a standard piece of American writing?

Well I would have to agree that NSA, as a covert operator, would not seem to be properly represented as he who leaves a trail of smashed casings. But then with Verizon and google and others showing that the front doors to our internet portals ARE smashed, thanks to subversion of their clumsy “legal locks” that don’t work, perhaps when we regard NSA as the intelligent monkey minder, we see that in fact the casing analogy was fine all along.

Surely, that was worth an ISC2 CPE, for sheer invention and consideration – particularly since I got 2 of them for listening to some 70 year geezer show a video about his wonderful office staff, while drinking beer. Ah, but then the CISSP head honcho is the true NSA operator serving beer, in order to subvert a mass audience of opinion makers belonging to the real “club”.


About home_pw

Computer Programmer who often does network administration with focus on security servers. Sometimes plays at slot machine programming.
This entry was posted in rant. Bookmark the permalink.